Arguments in marriage have an interesting maturation process. When you're engaged you avoid arguments at all cost. After all, everything will be better when you're married, right?
Newlyweds also avoid arguments. They're stuck in a whirlwind of strong emotions and are focused on putting together their new home with all the cool gifts they got at their reception. Any arguments are glossed over with a kiss and a quick resolution. You're crushed that your dearest love could be angry at you and you want to fix it as soon as possible. Many newlyweds are tempted to cave in and become a doormat just to keep the peace.
Once you've been married for a few months and real life starts to set in, winning arguments becomes more important. You're not devastated that your spouse thinks less of you...you know you're right, but you bite your tongue and apologize because it's the right thing to do. You might feel a little guilty, and maybe some of the argument was your fault...after all you antagonized your spouse, didn't you?
After a year the finances might be tight, or school might be getting harder, or the job might be getting boring and the arguments become fights. At this point you have ammunition to throw at your spouse in the form of past mistakes and unresolved issues. If you feel spiteful in a moment of anger you'll hurl these barbs willy-nilly and let the chips fall where they may. Afterward you feel guilty, and will race to be the first to apologize. It'll take hours for tempers to calm down, but eventually they will and you'll make up.
After a few years, arguments start to change. Maybe you start arguing about more important things, maybe you're arguing about petty things. Most arguments seem petty but there are underlying issues only known to the participants, and that's what the argument is really about. You're mad at the other person for being so petty and for throwing a tantrum when you know you'll be the one cleaning up after the fight. Perhaps by now there's children and you don't want to fight in front of them, but it's hard to lower your voice enough and still make your point, right?
Eventually arguments become formulaic. You're going to bring up Standard Points 2,15,22 and he'll rebut with Points 16,40,85. You can almost have your arguments in 30 seconds by using keywords and phrases. No resolution is going to come from arguing and you have your separate lives for awhile and then come back together, promising to be better and tip-toeing around the issue.
In the end, you hope you understand each other enough to not need to have the arguments. There's just too much going on to bother wasting the time and energy on a fight. You know what he'll say and he knows what you'll say. So what's the point. You're comfortable with this person who you know so well, and trying to get to know someone new would be too hard. You still love them, thank goodness, and they probably still love you. Not that white-hot passionate love you're caught up in as newlyweds, but a comfortable love that comes from spending years and years with a person.
At least, that's how we hope it will end up.
