Lately I've been considering homeschooling Pumpkin for a few years. He's so bright and is probably halfway through the learning taking place in the kindergarten year as it is. He's also still terrified of going to school, breaking down into tears when I mention it. I've checked some books out of the library on the pros and cons and I'm taking my time making the decision. D is initially against it, purely for the social aspect, I think. But I remember my teachers saying over and over "Sit down and quiet down...you can socialize after school."

I don't know what to do. I'm an excellent teacher (not to toot my own horn) but I have the patience and eptitude (see, I can even make up my own words) to dole out information in a fun and easy-to-understand manner. I can definitely handle kindergarten and maybe most of elementary school. I wouldn't mind him skipping the nightmare that was middle school, but come high school I'd love for him to be involved in AP classes, school sports teams, prom, student government, and the like.

But in elementary school, I think I could do a better job 1-on-1 in helping Pumpkin discover a love of learning and knowledge. I think we can incorporate all kinds of studies and programs. I envision 2 hours a day of concentrated school work and the rest of the day to discover museums, art classes, karate and music lessons. From everything I've read the actual teaching time in school amounts to less than 2 hours in a 6 hour school day. Everything from show-and-tell to worksheets, lunch to recess, lining up and taking attendance and class change...all of the administrative tasks fill up the rest of the day. I always finished my worksheets in 5 minutes and then waited around for 15 more for the rest of the class to catch up. Even in my accelerated programs there were more administrative duties than I'd like.

So, in short, it's something that I'm considering. I'd like to know anyone's thoughts about it. Pros? Cons? Heartfelt praise? Advice on programs? Would you consider it for your child(ren)?

I have a fairly healthy immune system. No matter what I'm exposed to, I just don't get sick that often. I chalk it up to good genes. For as long as I can remember my illnesses usually occur at the same times, twice a year. Once at the end of the summer, and once in the dead of winter. This week we were sick. Not at all like last time. That was horrible. Even thinking about it gives me the shivers.

D, on the other hand, has a horrible immune system. Granted, he doesn't take very good care of his body, but on the whole I don't think a lot of it is his fault. The cocktail of medications he's taking have to screw with his body chemistry. And I'm sure the depression and hypochondria helps. He is sick with something about every other week. Sometimes twice in one week. Pumpkin has just added a permanent "Please help Daddy feel better" sentence in his prayers.

The kids, thankfully, have inherited something in between the two. They are sick more like 6 times a year and the sniffles can stick around for weeks. But, when I think of the alternative I'm grateful they got enough of my immunities to keep them healthy most of the time.

That being said, this week we all had sore throats, coughs, sniffles, fevers and body aches. All four of us have gotten whatever bug this is. We've had several "pajama days" where we stay in our pjs all day and watch movies. It's been kind of nice to take a break from our normal schedules. But I think the kids were getting a little cabin fever. They were thrilled to go to church today and see their friends. It's nice when church is a positive experience. :) Maybe we'll have to have pajama days more often.

Today is also Pumpkin's 5th birthday!! We watched home movies of his birth and childhood and had chocolate cake with strawberries. We celebrated last weekend, too, when my oldest sister came out from NC to play with us and go snowboarding. Pumpkin got lots of neat stuff and calls from lots of aunts and uncles, grandparents, cousins...you name it. He was sung to in Primary (our church's kids' Sunday School) and had new clothes to wear to church. Our new bishop wears a bow-tie, and Pumpkin was eyeing it. I found a great little get-up (complete with bow tie) at Target and he wore it today. He's so adorable.

I've been composing blog posts in my head as I've been lying in bed over the last few days, but heck if I can't remember a single one of them. In my fever-induced delirium they probably wouldn't have come out as well as I thought, anyway. There is one post on homeschooling that I'm going to set up right after this one, so click on over. Or up. Or down. However you've got the blog/RSS feed set up.

Happy Birthday, Pumpkin!!!! I love thee!!!

After spending the holiday season with so many extended family members, my little Pumpkin has become interested in who belongs to who and what families are made of. We've categorized the cousins by parent and by gender. We've assigned adults to their respective parents (grandma and grandpa). He's a little concerned that he only has one grandpa and that Gran doesn't have a husband. I've tried to explain to him that families are made up of all kinds of people and situations. I think he understood that.

Then he took it one step farther. He informed us in the car the other night that when he grows up he's going to marry Princess (sister-wife?). She's going to be the mom and he's going to be the dad. D and I are going to be the grandparents, and my mom is going to be the Gran. We're all going to live together in a house and we can help him take care of his kids. When I told him that he'd probably find another nice girl to marry and that Princess would find her own prince, he insisted that he didn't want to marry a stranger.

Also, he wishes that he could have a baby in his tummy. When he told Princess she'd be a mom when she gets big, and have a baby in her tummy, she told him that "No, I'm going to have a hippo in my tummy." This stands to reason as her favorite stuffed animal is a hippo.

Needless to say, they're a little confused about the process and outcome, but at least they're happy enough in our family to want to live together always. That's nice.

The other thing he wishes for is to have two Pumpkins. He wanted to go to the store with me and Princess, and he wanted to go with daddy to donate blood. He was really wishing there were two of him, and that the other one would take pictures so it would be like he was in both places. Don't we all feel like that sometimes?

There is a fine line between dedication and obsession. The masses applaud dedication. Employers reward it. Charities depend on it. Obsession is a social no-no. It's the modus operandi of stalkers and addicts. Obsession destroys lives, and not just of the obsessor or obsessee.

And yet, when does dedication become obsession?

Dedicated people focus on their object of interest with sincere intent. They may lose sleep and forget to eat, but they usually know when to stop and take a break. It doesn't consume their entire life.

Obsessed people also focus on their object of interest with unflagging attention. Simple things like sleep and food fall by the wayside. Hobbies and friends slowly peter out. Personal hygiene is a thing of the past.

So where is the line?

I am a very dedicated person. When I am given a project I jump in with both feet. When I start a book I read until the end, no matter how long or how bad. Once you've gotten my loyalty it's extremely hard to lose it. But, I've never been obsessed with anything before...maybe finals in college. Personal hygiene definitely took a back seat to studying, as did eating and sleeping.

When I first had Pumpkin I considered myself a dedicated mom. I knew that I was losing sleep and forgetting to eat, but that's what happens with little babies. Then I started forgetting to take breaks. The baby was welded to my shoulder night and day. I wasn't getting out of the house, except for the grocery store, and even then Pumpkin came with me. The second hardest day of my life was the morning that I got up, showered, and left him with D to go back to work. I did that every weekday for 8 months. It never got easier. One of the happiest days of my life was leaving work for the last day, after finding D a job at the same company.

I quickly slid back into my previous routine. Pumpkin took over the main place in my life. He was almost a year old and had finally become interesting. He consumed my days (and sometimes my nights). Our days were structured around naptimes and meal times, park outings and walks around the neighborhood. Evenings were filled with meals and sleep for both of us. Our remaining local friends came over occasionally, but that was more the exception than the rule.

Some of our family and friends tried to get me to take some time off, but for some reason I thought that the kid would stop breathing or spontaneously combust if he left my sight for more than an hour. We had a standing babysitter (my mom or brother) after Pumpkin fell asleep, but I can count on one hand the number of times that I left him with family, and never with a non-family babysitter. I think D and I went away together for one night over the course of 3.5 years before Princess was born.

I was told that I was "too dedicated" (perhaps obsessed?) with my kids and that they were "too dependent" on me. I spent my waking moments playing with them, cooking for them, cleaning up after them. I'm sure that other moms out there feel the same. It was when my hobbies started disappearing, when my personal hygiene went down the tubes and when I realized that the only "friends" I had were women I saw at church for 2 hours a week.

I tried to turn things around. I started showering every day (almost) and attending a playgroup. I made friends with my neighbor and her children. I started going out with D more. As much as I could, anyway. It helped to have a babysitter living in our basement who didn't have much of a social life. We didn't go out every week, but we went out a few times a month. Grocery trips became adult times complete with ice cream and hand holding. I made more of an effort to take a break during the day, even if it was just to walk around the block by myself or take my book into another room and read a chapter or two while D watched the kids.

It made a lot of difference. Being able to relax and...unclench...turned my Kid Obsession back into a Maternal Dedication. It was a fine line that I crossed for awhile. Now at 5 and 2 the kids are old enough to actually play by themselves. I find myself with 15 minutes here and 45 minutes there during the day all to myself. Quiet-times are golden. Bedtimes are sacred. And sometimes I even get to read a book during the day while the kids play with legos and dolls. This holiday season I left the kids with a stranger (to me and to them) as a babysitter while I went out to dinner with D's family. The kids did fine. They're more resilient than I give them credit for. It bodes well for the future when I may have to actually hire a babysitter, instead of calling in family favors all the time.

Have you ever crossed the line into obsession? Not just with kids, but with other things into your life? What brought you back from the brink...or are you still there?